#FAIL
Webster defines the word fail in a few ways:
To fall short
To be unsuccessful
To miss performing an expected service or function
Webster always defines failure in a few ways:
A lack of success
A state of inability to perform
A fracturing or giving way under stress
Why do you care? (good question…because I care!) Why do I care? Because for the first time since June of last year or 241 days, I have failed at something. During my last entry I had set a goal of weighing 222 pounds by Super Bowl Sunday or 90 total pounds lost in the year since my horrible epiphany of my corpulence last Super Bowl Sunday. (sounds better than realizing I’m a fatass) January started out well - kept losing until mid month when everything…well…stopped. First it was a day, then a few days, then a week and then a few weeks went by and when I stepped onto the scale in the morning there was no change. I was literally within .4 pounds of my weight from the day before. How did it happen? Seriously, I was working out the same amount and eating the same amount - how in the hell did math fail me? Working off more than you take in worked for 7.5 months! I ALMOST said FML….but then I would have to shoot myself because I hate those letters. Yes, I had reached my plateau - and it sucked! After getting over the initial disappointment and shock and all the rest of it - I had to realize it had happened for the exact reason I thought it never would happen - because I didn’t change anything. DUH! I had read enough articles to know this but it wasn’t ever going to happen to me, right? So - I had to change some things. So - I started a new fitness schedule. I won’t only be doing swimming (SWIMTASTIC) on a nightly basis - its time to mix in racquetball (RACQUETTASTIC?) and running (RUNTASTIC) and now personal training (STRENGTHTASTIC) and make some changes. I also had to change one more thing - my expectations. Of course its easy to assume you will keep going losing 10+ pounds a month until you hit your goal - especially after 7 months of success - but its dumb to expect it to continue. I realized that if I didn’t change my expectations that there was a chance that all of this momentum will turn back into bad habits and weight gain. Yes, the scale is still important and I will continue to weigh myself regularly but there are also other numbers that are important - 2 specifically that I will also track - body fat percentage and waist size in my clothes. No, I will not be happy if I gain weight, but with a 2 day a week strength training schedule for an hour each plus other workouts, I have now become happy to maintain my same weight - and be pleasantly surprised to lose for now. THIS is where I have failed many times before - and where I will not fail this time. Its time to kick this into a different gear - to turn it up to 11 so to speak. Lets just hope that I don’t require to turn it up to 12 because then I might spontaneously combust, which happens dozens of time a year. (ok - enough Spinal Tap references for now) The last few weeks have been tough to work through, but I’m positive about where I’m headed now. Yes - the goal for me is still 200 pounds and below - but I’m going to have to understand that it could take me longer than expected.
So - while I may have failed at a goal, I am most certainly NOT a failure. That is important.
Anywho…lets catch up on some things. First - I have started to introduce caffeine back into my body again. It started like this - I was at a restaurant in DC over the weekend and breakfast was happening and the smell of coffee was about as intoxicating as just about anything I’ve ever dealt with. So - I broke down and ordered a cup of coffee. (ONE being important here - and when I was asked if I wanted more I said no) I realized that the reason I quit coffee/caffeine was not because of calories but because I had read a lot that caffeine causes our bodies to want more food. So - I felt that my willpower could overcome this after 7 months and had some coffee. (let me tell you - it was an amazing cup of coffee that I savored with every sip) I can say this - after that long without coffee I was a little amped up Sunday afternoon and then experienced a small crash in the afternoon. Which made me think it was time to return some of the normalcy back to things. The last 30ish pounds I have to lose will be a longer process and its ok to have a coffee from time to time and its ok to have a good beer from time to time. The time to time part must be clearly defined in my brain because one day cannot turn into 5 days. This is a strange time in this process for me because as I said before - we are at the point where I have failed oh so many times.
Lets talk about something else from the weekend - shall we? So - I broke down over the weekend and went clothes shopping. (with help thankfully - as I HATE to shop) And about $500 later - I have the start of a new wardrobe. What did I learn from this trip?
1. I STILL hate to clothes shop
2. Clothes are freaking expensive
3. I have absolutely no clue how to dress as a non fat person
I could write volumes of books on how to dress as a fat man. The number 1 secret I learned is to wear the right size pants - realistically a size above what you truly fit in. This avoids the “muffin top” issue that plagues many people in the world. Then, you wear loose fitting clothing and layer clothing on top of each other. All of this disguises the rolls and other things from the outside world. (literally, I could write volumes on this) Thing is, I still look at clothes and shop as a fat man. The clothes I have been wearing I’m fine with because they fit the above dressing style. Everybody else tells me that they look huge on me. As I tried clothes on over the weekend I came to realize one thing - if I feel uncomfortable in the outfit, that pretty much means it looks good. Each time I would walk out in something new and it felt “tight” (even though it wasn’t really tight, but it felt that way to me) I would get people saying how good it looked. (apparently they weren’t looking at the face) This is something that will be a challenge to me. I have to be able to be in public and feel uncomfortable and force myself to feel uncomfortable until I can learn to be comfortable in those new clothes. Yes - it’s a little bit strange - but then so am I!
OK - lets review some numbers and I will end this here thing:
241 days without soda/tea
0 days without any caffeine (had coffee this morning)
84 pounds lost since my heaviest weight (312)
74 pounds lost in the last 241 days
61 pounds lost since starting my heavy workout phase (200 days)
28 pounds until my ultimate goal and PSLs
My current weight is now 228 pounds
As of my shopping trip I am now wearing jeans that are 4 sizes smaller or 8 inches on the waist…and they are a wee bit loose too.
Today also marks Day 200 of using MyFitnessPal on a daily basis. Hard to believe it has been 200 days - seems like yesterday!
Well - I will leave y’all with this: (yes I said y’all)
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts”
Winston Churchill
Peace and Love….Peace and Love,
LANDIS
