Day 323 - 367

“There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don’t know how”

One year ago on this date, I sat in front of this same computer and started to type something that I called “Day 0” which I was unsure if it would ever be posted or finished.  366 days later (it was an extra long year this year and such) I am now staring at a screen trying to think of the proper words to say.  (ok - truth be told I started to write this two days ago and got nowhere - that’s what I get for not procrastinating for once!?!?)

This may be my first ever short entry.  (right)

Lets do this in a report card kind of way - shall we?

(Yes, we shall)

A year ago I wrote this:

“Lets call this “The Great Landis Improvement Project” and I’m asking for your help.  Today is Sunday, June 12 and I’m calling this “Day Zero” - hopefully by “Day 21” I won’t need help any longer.  I don’t know if I can keep up with posting something daily…but I know I’m going to write something daily.  I’m not starting today with a goal of losing X amount of pounds.  I’m not starting today with a goal of making X like me.  I’m not starting today to prove somebody wrong.  I’m starting today to be healthier, to lose weight,, to be inspired by others that have done the same things and hopefully to inspire others too.  Simply put, I want to be comfortable in my own skin again.”

So - how have we done with this and what have we learned?  (besides last year’s scale conspiracy and poop “unpleasantries”)
1 -Well, I had thought by Day 21 I wouldn’t need help any longer - Grade - C  If there is anything I have learned in this year is that as this process went on I have needed more and more help.  You can’t do this on your own - you need the support of others and someone to kick your ass when you aren’t in it.  I give myself a C on this because I’ve had to learn this throughout the year.  When I have tried it on my own I’ve had some success but when the going got tough and I didn’t seek help - I failed.

2 - I’m going to write daily - Grade - F-  - What in the hell was I smoking, sniffing, drinking or injecting when I wrote this?  Clearly I haven’t written something daily nor have I posted.  There just simply isn’t enough in my life that is interesting to talk about daily.  Simple fact there.  I failed at this one.  Yup - capital F.

3 - I’m starting today to be healthier - Grade - A - that was my goal and I sit here in the exact same spot 1 year later and can’t even begin to tell you in how many ways I’m healthier.  (that is mostly because I hadn’t been to a doctor when I was major fatass Landis so there’s no documented proof of how bad it was)  Seriously though - just waking up daily and working through a day in the life of Landis is easier and happier.  Not only has my physical health improved but so has my emotional health.  (course, it really wasn’t too hard to improve the emotional health - I just had to show one from time to time)

4 - I want to be comfortable in my own skin again - Grade - B - so that was a good goal to have really.  This is a spot where I need constant improvement.  So I am more comfortable in my own skin but certainly not yet where I think I should be.  As I’ve said before - I still see the old me in the mirror.  Maybe now I see the me from last September in the mirror and not the me from last June - so that’s an improvement, right?  But at least I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror?

5 - Numbers - Grade - A - This may shock some people here.  I’m going to take some credit here for the difference in a year.  I started this not knowing where I would get to.  Honestly not having a goal because I didn’t want it to end, but realizing that I had failed so many times before and expecting that could happen again.  Am I proud of where I am?  I guess so?  But I cannot nor will I take credit for what has happened.  There are so many others that have been there the entire time or at specific times in the progression and without them/you - I wouldn’t be where I am today.  Period.  The End.

So - overall I’m going to give the last 366 days this final assessment - #WINNING

As I said above - there are so many people that I would like to thank but don’t know how to say it.  Specifically though, there are 3 people that really got this ball rolling for me and without them in the first few weeks/months I can say for sure I couldn’t have gotten here.  Here they are and why they are so important in no particular order:

1. Mike Wink - Last summer, after one of my blog postings, I got a message from Mike on Facebook that said the following:
Hey my brother in law is a certified trainer and is doing boot camps three days a week at mayeski park at south Carroll for five bucks. First one is tomorrow at seven if you are interested. He has done me and my wife last week and is a good workout 
Little did I know at that point how significant this posting would be to my life.  Until then I had lost weight purely by eating differently and doing some basic exercises.  That was it.  Mike introduced me to a world of pain (at first) and then triumph as I learned I could do some of the things I’ve never been able to do in my life.  I don’t know if you read this still Mike - but thanks my friend.

2.  Zach Baker - If you just read what I said about Mike before this (and I don’t know why you wouldn’t have unless your are reading from the end which would be weird)  Zach was said brother in law from Mike’s Facebook posting.  He was the first person to introduce me to what working out really meant.  All my life working out meant an elliptical or maybe some weights on a machine or at most swimming.  Zach’s workouts taught me things I could do at home, or just things I could do period.  He worked with me at first when I could barely walk on the field much less run and encouraged me to try harder.  He believed in my enough that I had to start believing in myself.  Because of him I trained for my first 5k and really everything else that I have done when it comes to working out is because of his patience with a serious fatass.  He has started up his workouts again - and I cannot wait to go very soon to show him that what he started hasn’t finished yet.

3.  Natacha Blondiaux - lets just call her Tasha because nobody actually knows how to pronounce her last name.  ;)  Now - I’ve told her this before - but now I’m going to embarrass her a little bit publicly.  When I first decided it was time to get healthy - she was one of the first people I reached out to because of her drive and motivation to get healthier on her own.  So, we went back and forth and she suggested a few things like group workouts and boot camps etc.  (which I found ironically like 2 days later through Mike/Zach)  Then, as time went on she’d check in with me on how things were going.  She might have mentioned the word Soldierfit once or twice too…just sayin.  Well, finally when February rolled around and I started to ask her about Soldierfit, she met me one Saturday (which I wrote about somewhere in the past) and went through my first ever class with me.  The rest as we say is history when it comes to Soldierfit and my love/addiction of it.  I don’t even need to get into it.  Now - she won’t take any credit for this - thus why I am publicly calling her out - you were/are there at the times I needed the most help - and I can’t thank you enough.

Well - report card is done.  Academy Awards style speech is done thanking the right people.  What is left to say?  Ok - one more thing and then a review of numbers from the first year of this project.

The next step is here - perhaps one of the final steps too.  On Sunday I started a new phase in this.  From Day 0 to Sunday I had done everything in regards to food on a eat what I want just less philosophy.  Well, now I have started a 90 day diet which I plan to be what finishes off my weight loss and begins to transform what is left into all lean muscle.  Here goes - for 90 days I’m eating the same thing - every day.  Egg whites and oats for breakfast and Chicken, brown rice and broccoli for lunch/dinner.  Protein shakes in between.  No cheating.  Nothing else.  Let me tell you this is THE most boring and tasteless food I have ever eaten.  But, having seen the results of others I know that this will work for me.  My plan is to lose 20-25 pounds and get my body fat % under 20 in the next 90 days.  Long term I will be at my goal weight (and beyond) then and all that will be left is transforming more fat into muscle and getting down to an even healthier body fat percentage.  I have no reward for when this happens - my only reward will having the satisfaction of completing this project and becoming a “normal” guy finally.  (ok - normal a relative term referring to health and size - not referring at all to mental capabilities or maturity)  I know I’ll need some rooting on over the next 90 days (well now 87 but who’s counting??) and I hope that I can count on my friends for that.

Ok - now the fun part with numbers and I can say peace out or whatever….

367 days without soda/tea (really anything but water, coffee and beer - gotta have the beer)
3 days (again) without any caffeine - cutting that out again!
105 pounds lost since my heaviest weight (312)
95 pounds lost in the last 367 days
77 pounds lost since starting my heavy workout phase (324 days)
7 pounds until my ultimate goal (199.9) and I already have my reward
My current weight is now 207 pounds
Body Fat % is currently 24% (down significantly)
BMI is 27.8  (this is now just in the “overweight” category and not obese - win!)
12 inches lost on waist - I can say I am now a 36 inch waist (and they are a little bit loose even)

So apparently I lied again about a short entry.  DUH!

I really don’t know how to close this one out.  Year 1 is down but neither myself or this blog are done.  We will both continue on until all goals have been met.  After that happens, the final goal is maintenance - and I plan to write throughout that process too.  I really can’t express my gratitude for everyone involved in my life that has given me a push over the last year - whether you knew it or not.  By simply reading this, or commenting or liking something on Facebook, you have shown support to me that has gone further than you can possibly imaging.  For that gift of your time, words cannot express my thanks.  There are so many people I have met who are also going through their own life changes with health - and I hope that I can be of the same help to you.  I promise to not give up on myself - please promise to not give up on yourself.

Until then - in the immortal words of Casey Kasem:

“Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.”

Much love,

LANDIS

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN (and brown rice and broccoli) DINNER

Day 276 - 322 NFAFFK

WARNING - the following entry contains foul language and may or may not involve situations involving excrement - please proceed with caution.  If you think any of this to be offensive…I have no idea why we are friends.  

Everything That Has A Beginning Has An End

When One Door Closes, Another Opens

Yea - so you may get the idea that I will be waxing philosophical tonight - and that will probably be at least a little bit true.  (but then you read the warning label at first and I’m sure you are thoroughly confused)  Rest assured, I am just as confused as you, but we will get through this together.  Or not.  But most likely we will.

I think.

Hopefully.

Where to begin?  Well - a little review.  When I last left you I was telling all about the wonders of Soldierfit and effectively trying to sell everybody on coming in to try.  (PS - now opening a new location in Owings Mills, MD - closer to a lot of people I know…c’mon now!)  I had also decided to skip the Steelers PSL tickets as well, which is still a shock to me.  (growing up and making adult decisions sucks!)  Well - I am happy to say that I am still Soldierfit’s biggest fan and you MUST come try.  Period.  The end.  Word up.

Back to the matter at hand.  What exactly am I talking about when I am talking about endings and beginnings?  Well, over the last few weeks, things have started to change again in this great journey.  I have taken to another slow down in weight loss but because of the workouts I have started to build up on muscle.  But this did not come with its amount of hardships/trials/tribulations but thankfully no LANDIS SMASH moments.  So, I knew a few things about a few things and knew that when I started doing more intense workouts such as Soldierfit (perhaps I can go a paragraph later without saying the name…..perhaps) I should start to change my diet to increase protein to help muscles grow and rebuild faster and increase my water intake.  So, I did just that.  A little bit of knowledge can be dangerous though…especially when it comes to my fine looking yet mostly dumb ass.  So, after a few weeks of this change I started feeling…well…like I should be in one of Jamie Lee Curtis’ Activia commercials.  (this could be where the top warning kicks in FYI and by could be I mean don’t read any further if you are easily offended)  So I figure - eh - a few days won’t hurt.  But then a few days becomes a week and then two weeks.  (you get the drill)  All of this is fine - I can deal until I step on the scale one fine day and realize that I am now increasing in weight.  Then things start to get serious.  (again, no LANDIS SMASH)  Amazingly, I literally was exactly what I have been told by my parents/teachers/friends/girlfriends for my entire life - full of shit.  When this happens - life becomes exactly what you wish you could do - shit.  So now what?  I did everything right, didn’t I?  Well, being right didn’t exactly matter at this point…showing number 2 who was boss mattered.  I ate a lot of Activia - and I mean a LOT of it…Jamie Lee Curtis F U - it doesn’t work that well…of course I was in no interest of waiting 3 weeks either.  I even scheduled a doctor appointment - which is happening tomorrow - more later.  So I took drastic measures…and went to CVS.  Now….(anybody who knows my mom cannot share this next sentence - thanks) I have been to stores to buy condoms before, and I’ve even bought exes “feminine” products but for some reason I kept my sunglasses on and head down when buying “Maximum Strength”  (written in very large and bold printing) Ex Lax.  Yes, I know Everybody Poops, but not everybody at CVS needs to know that I’m NOT doing that.  (and I realize the irony of me caring that day now as I write this but whatever)  The next day was just glorious.  Truly.  Glorious.

So - what did I do wrong?  (after the next day I could then again care about what I did wrong)  So I started doing some reading, research, asking people for help and finally some numbers calculations.  I’m no expert, nor do I play one on TV but here are some things I’ve learned.  Hopefully someone reading this will not have to experience a shitty problem such as this.  (pun intended - I’ve got jokes…bad ones)  So, I did mostly right things - eating more protein is good and drinking more water is also good.  What I didn’t do though was something that seems counterintuitive.  I didn’t increase calorie intake at all.  (that’s right - INCREASE)  So, I’ve gone along now for 10 months with same idea - eat less and workout more.  It worked and worked well as a matter of fact.  So, it seems to make sense that with the amount of working out I was doing, if I kept the same food intake, things would only work better/faster/more/etc.  So, that is what I went with and drove me straight into another plateau and even slight weight gain.  (poop related of course)  You see, there is this term in reference to said excrement called “bulk” and it is pretty much what you think it is.  I had done the right thing with eating more protein - but as a side effect things are “harder” inside you so you drink more water to counteract that…but when you increase protein and don’t increase calories you are effectively eating less mass of food…thus the issue is “bulk”.  So - I have a new normal - on days that I do workout - I am increasing my calorie intake by 250-300 more calories and on days that I don’t I will only increase from where I was 100 calories.  So far so good…things are regular.  (I’m sure that you care)

OK - for all of those who are offended - you can start here again

Well now that the awkwardness of my regularity is over - lets talk about this whole beginning and ending thing.  What does it mean?  Double Rainbow - oh my god!  A part of this process has ended really today and a new one has begun.  Today I end my focus on losing the most amount of weight that I can and start a new part - maintaining the weight I am (and losing a few more in the process) and really working to firm up and gain muscle everywhere.  My thinking absolutely has to change here - because from here on the process will begin to slow down some.  Gone will be the days of large changes in body/weight/size but this is where the hard work will show over the next few months and going forward.  This kicks off today with my biggest challenge to date - kicking the scale habit.  Not many of you know this, but I have also been addicted to the scale since last June.  (proven by the fact that I have taken it with me on trips so I could use it - sad but true)  I have been a habitual twice a day on the scale guy - once right after I wake up and once right before I go to bed.  If I’m to succeed at the above mission - this has to change.  So, as of this morning’s weigh in, I am going cold turkey from the scale until next Monday.  It is quite nice that my 100 pound announcement could come on such a momentous occasion.  I will say after I stepped on the scale this morning and saw the number - I started doing jumps/leg kicks like a cheerleader.  (I’m going to let that mental image sink in for a minute….yea….you know you are picturing that hotness right now)  So, after that I put it away in my closet and will resist the urge to step on it this week.  My body will change from day to day - sometimes for the best and sometimes for the worse - but that is all a part of what I’m doing - so the scale will have no power over me.  (I’m actually pointing in the direction of the scale now as I write)  Realistically, my goal hasn’t changed - still going for 199.9 pounds and healthy body fat % and a 34 inch waist - the process on how to get there has changed.  This is what I like to think will be my new “normal” of life.  I have gotten through the fast and furious stage to arrive at the beginning of maintenance of weight and shaping of body.  Who would have ever known this would happen one day?

Last but not least this evening - a few words on the whole clothes and dressing situation.  One day, it dawned on me as I wore an XL shirt that seemed to be a little bit big on me that perhaps I’m not an XL any longer, I’ve only been buying them out of habit.  So, for shits and giggles I bought myself a t-shirt that was size L for the first time since I was 12.  I walked up to the register and felt like I was going to be found out - somehow the fashion police would see that I was buying L and would come down from above and tell me that I don’t qualify for that size - thank you try again.  (I realize that I could have just tried on the shirts but I’m a man and HATE to shop much less try shit on)  But no fashion police stopped me, the clerk didn’t look at me like - yea right that fat ass isn’t fitting in this…I just paid and said thank you.  I got home and was just plain nervous.  Tried it on and boom - it was the right size for me.  To me, that was my first life changing event - the realization that I wasn’t XXL or even XL any longer - I was just L.  I could/can go into any store and buy a shirt.  Hell, I might even go into Abercrombie to buy a shirt now just because I can.  They can’t look down at me and think - “we don’t want his size in here”  (side note, I would just return it right away because I’m not actually wearing something from there)  Then a day later I got new jeans size 36 which was another life changing moment.  Perhaps not as significant as the shirt size, but again a size I hadn’t been in many, many years.  Its truly the little things in life that keep me smiling.

Now for the numbers:

322 days without soda/tea (really anything but water, coffee and beer - gotta have the beer)
100 pounds lost since my heaviest weight (312)
90 pounds lost in the last 275 days
77 pounds lost since starting my heavy workout phase (281 days)
12 pounds until my ultimate goal (199.9) and I already have my reward
My current weight is now 212 pounds
Body Fat % is currently 25% (down significantly)
BMI is 28.8  (this is now just in the “overweight” category and not obese - win!)

A sincere thanks and sharing of gratitude goes out to anybody who has reached out to me with words of encouragement over the last 322 days.  I truly couldn’t have gotten where I am today without everybody in my life.  Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that I’m done writing - no - the new journey is just beginning.  There will be many more things to learn and share in hopes that others will take the first steps to a new person.  The person they have always wanted to be.

Much love,

LANDIS

Day 242 - 275

I’m Chris Landis - and I am an addict

Yup - you heard it here.  I am publicly admitting that I am powerless over my addiction - but my life has not - and it will not become unmanageable.  To think, I owe it all to a friend I met just over a year ago…

Picture It…Gaithersburg…2012

This is where the downfall to addiction started.  It was a chilly winter Saturday and I was getting ready to try something new in the “make Landis less of a fatass” portion of my life.  I had no real idea what I was walking into and because of that my stomach was churning as I drove towards Gaithersburg - not knowing that my life would change again in mere hours.

Dramatic enough for you?  I make it sound like a drive to Gaithersburg was like Apollo 11 and the moon landing.  (ok - maybe not that serious)

What I’m really talking about was my first workout with Soldierfit.  I walked into a room with 40 plus strangers and 1 person that I knew and walked out part of what feels like a family of people all there for their own reasons but all working towards a common goal - to be healthier each day.  So - THIS is my addiction and it is serious. 

What is Soldierfit you may be asking?  Let me do my best to explain how/what I feel Soldierfit is. 

(and before I go on - might I add that I am NOT being paid for this but it may sound like a sales pitch)

Soldierfit is not a gym or a building or anything physical.  In fact, with most everything we do in a session - you don’t need anything physical to have a Soldierfit Basic Training class.  (by the way - there are 4 convenient locations where you too can enjoy an intense workout)  Basic Training consists of a warm-up jog and stretches and then there are 5 stations set up that work on one or more muscle group.  You workout at each station and a times interval and then move to the next station.  In between stations and after/before starting stations again there are other exercises too.  That is what the actual workout part of an hour Basic Training class is.  (again - at 4 convenient locations - visit www.soldierfit.com for more information)  Beyond that though, it is so much more.  In one Basic Training you will have skill levels from ripped like Jesus folks down to slightly less fatass folks that are uncoordinated (like yours truly) but you go at your own pace.  There is no competition, there is no shame for being done after somebody else - there is the opposite - those that may finish an exercise before others cheer on those (like yours truly) who are slightly behind.  I have attended sessions at 2 of the 4 locations and this is the exact same feeling you get from any location and any session you attend.  You are encouraged to work as hard as you can work (and then work harder) and you know what?  You do that exact thing.  It feels like a team/family where you work your ass off so as not to let the other person down.  (and might I add at 4 locations in Maryland)  During the workout you have no time to look around and see the other “troops” but when you have a break, or once it is over - you can look at each other and smile because you know you’ve been through the same thing they have.  THAT is what Soldierfit is to me.  It has absolutely nothing to do with any building, piece of equipment or fancy signs.  It is a group of people standing together yelling “WE ARE, I AM”

I have been doing a lot of different workout things over the last 9 months - and I sit here on a Wednesday night (after going this morning) thinking of how I can’t wait to go Friday after work and considering driving back to Frederick to do the late evening session…I haven’t had that feeling before.   The summer bootcamp workouts I did last year were as close as it got - but I think the size of each of Soldierfit’s sessions (at 4 locations) is what is has driven the addiction to a new level. 

So I’m admitting to the addiction - but PLEASE do not schedule an intervention. 

(PS - many thanks Natacha)

Ok - I swear - I’m done with my sales pitch for the night.  (I think)  Now back to our regularly scheduled program…

When I last left you - I had reached a plateau stage and it was….well…sucky.  But, I had a plan and was determined that this was only going to be a temporary plateau.  (did you know a man a plan a canal panama is a palindrome?  Do you know what a palindrome is?)   So, I went to work doing my SWIMTASTIC, RACQUETTASTIC, STRENGTHTASTIC and RUNTASTIC routines and kicked it up a notch.

BAM!

I started with a personal trainer only a few days after my last entry and have been working with him until he left.  (I apparently drove him to quit - or he found a better job)  So twice a week I was doing that and mixing in the rest of the workouts.  I enjoyed the personal trainer but it wasn’t what I was looking for really.  (which is why I tried Soldierfit)  I have 3 sessions to finish it out and I am glad that I did this - it taught be the right way to do exercises and it taught me some weight routines that I can do on my own.  It was a positive experience and got me out of my comfort zone in the gym.  The good news is - within a week of starting the personal training - the weight loss started again and has continued on.  So - apparently the plan worked?!  (or I’m just a lucky ass)  The relief I felt after the first few weeks with weight continuing to come off was enormous.  Tomorrow I go back for one of my last training sessions and to get measured again - looking forward to seeing the results. 

I’m still a work in progress on the whole dressing part.  I’m more comfortable in the new clothes I bought so that is a positive.  The downside to it is I think the reason I am comfortable in them is that some of them are already falling off of me.  (jeans especially)  Good problem to have really - so I will not complain.  But - if anybody out there in this world is a tailor or knows one that is CHEAP (like free) be sure to let me know because I have some work for them to do!  I’m now drinking a cup of coffee nearly everyday also - oh how I missed coffee.  We were lovers that were apart for so long and now back together.  Reunited - and it feels so good.  J

Lastly - and this may come as a shock to many of you - you may want to sit down for this if you happen to be standing.  Ok - sitting now?  I have decided that I will not be purchasing Steelers PSLs once I hit my 200 and under goal weight.  The more I thought about the cash I would have to put down to purchase the PSLs and then the cash yearly to get the tickets, the more I thought it was a bad financial decision.  (it would cost about $5000 a seat to purchase PSLs and then $1000 a seat per year to buy the tickets - and those are for not so great seats)  So, I will save away $1000 a year and purchase tickets to the games I want to see and sit where I want to sit and save the other money for something I can use all year around.  (hmmmmm - like say a Jeep Wrangler anyone???)  So yea, I already got my reward ahead of time - sue me?  But, I am so laser focused to hit the 200 and below mark - it is GOING to happen. 

(and be looking for an invite to a party at my house on May 26 - coming to everyone that reads this - and really everyone I know too but of course the people that read this first)

Ah - the fun part now - the numbers!!

275 days without soda/tea (really anything but water, coffee and beer - gotta have the beer)
95 pounds lost since my heaviest weight (312)
85 pounds lost in the last 275 days
72 pounds lost since starting my heavy workout phase (234 days)
17 pounds until my ultimate goal (199.9) and I already have my reward
My current weight is now 217 pounds

Will Landis reach 199.9 pounds?
Will his addiction to Soldierfit get worse?
Will the next blog entry actually be funny?

Tune in next time
Same Bat Time
Same Bat Channel

Holy Fatass Batman!

Much love,

Landis

Day 202 - 241

#FAIL

Webster defines the word fail in a few ways:

To fall short
To be unsuccessful
To miss performing an expected service or function

Webster always defines failure in a few ways:

A lack of success
A state of inability to perform
A fracturing or giving way under stress

Why do you care?  (good question…because I care!)  Why do I care?  Because for the first time since June of last year or 241 days, I have failed at something.  During my last entry I had set a goal of weighing 222 pounds by Super Bowl Sunday or 90 total pounds lost in the year since my horrible epiphany of my corpulence last Super Bowl Sunday.  (sounds better than realizing I’m a fatass)  January started out well - kept losing until mid month when everything…well…stopped.  First it was a day, then a few days, then a week and then a few weeks went by and when I stepped onto the scale in the morning there was no change.  I was literally within .4 pounds of my weight from the day before.  How did it happen?  Seriously, I was working out the same amount and eating the same amount - how in the hell did math fail me?  Working off more than you take in worked for 7.5 months!  I ALMOST said FML….but then I would have to shoot myself because I hate those letters.   Yes, I had reached my plateau - and it sucked!  After getting over the initial disappointment and shock and all the rest of it - I had to realize it had happened for the exact reason I thought it never would happen - because I didn’t change anything.  DUH!  I had read enough articles to know this but it wasn’t ever going to happen to me, right?  So - I had to change some things.  So - I started a new fitness schedule.  I won’t only be doing swimming (SWIMTASTIC) on a nightly basis - its time to mix in racquetball (RACQUETTASTIC?) and running (RUNTASTIC) and now personal training (STRENGTHTASTIC) and make some changes.  I also had to change one more thing - my expectations.  Of course its easy to assume you will keep going losing 10+ pounds a month until you hit your goal - especially after 7 months of success - but its dumb to expect it to continue.  I realized that if I didn’t change my expectations that there was a chance that all of this momentum will turn back into bad habits and weight gain.  Yes, the scale is still important and I will continue to weigh myself regularly but there are also other numbers that are important - 2 specifically that I will also track - body fat percentage and waist size in my clothes.  No, I will not be happy if I gain weight, but with a 2 day a week strength training schedule for an hour each plus other workouts, I have now become happy to maintain my same weight - and be pleasantly surprised to lose for now.  THIS is where I have failed many times before - and where I will not fail this time.  Its time to kick this into a different gear - to turn it up to 11 so to speak.  Lets just hope that I don’t require to turn it up to 12 because then I might spontaneously combust, which happens dozens of time a year.  (ok - enough Spinal Tap references for now)  The last few weeks have been tough to work through, but I’m positive about where I’m headed now.  Yes - the goal for me is still 200 pounds and below - but I’m going to have to understand that it could take me longer than expected.

So - while I may have failed at a goal, I am most certainly NOT a failure.  That is important. 

Anywho…lets catch up on some things.  First - I have started to introduce caffeine back into my body again.  It started like this - I was at a restaurant in DC over the weekend and breakfast was happening and the smell of coffee was about as intoxicating as just about anything I’ve ever dealt with.  So - I broke down and ordered a cup of coffee.  (ONE being important here - and when I was asked if I wanted more I said no)  I realized that the reason I quit coffee/caffeine was not because of calories but because I had read a lot that caffeine causes our bodies to want more food.  So - I felt that my willpower could overcome this after 7 months and had some coffee.  (let me tell you - it was an amazing cup of coffee that I savored with every sip)  I can say this - after that long without coffee I was a little amped up Sunday afternoon and then experienced a small crash in the afternoon.  Which made me think it was time to return some of the normalcy back to things.  The last 30ish pounds I have to lose will be a longer process and its ok to have a coffee from time to time and its ok to have a good beer from time to time.  The time to time part must be clearly defined in my brain because one day cannot turn into 5 days.  This is a strange time in this process for me because as I said before - we are at the point where I have failed oh so many times. 

Lets talk about something else from the weekend - shall we?  So - I broke down over the weekend and went clothes shopping.  (with help thankfully - as I HATE to shop)  And about $500 later - I have the start of a new wardrobe.  What did I learn from this trip? 

1. I STILL hate to clothes shop
2. Clothes are freaking expensive
3. I have absolutely no clue how to dress as a non fat person

I could write volumes of books on how to dress as a fat man.  The number 1 secret I learned is to wear the right size pants - realistically a size above what you truly fit in.  This avoids the “muffin top” issue that plagues many people in the world.  Then, you wear loose fitting clothing and layer clothing on top of each other.  All of this disguises the rolls and other things from the outside world.  (literally, I could write volumes on this)  Thing is, I still look at clothes and shop as a fat man.  The clothes I have been wearing I’m fine with because they fit the above dressing style.  Everybody else tells me that they look huge on me.  As I tried clothes on over the weekend I came to realize one thing - if I feel uncomfortable in the outfit, that pretty much means it looks good.  Each time I would walk out in something new and it felt “tight” (even though it wasn’t really tight, but it felt that way to me) I would get people saying how good it looked.  (apparently they weren’t looking at the face)  This is something that will be a challenge to me.  I have to be able to be in public and feel uncomfortable and force myself to feel uncomfortable until I can learn to be comfortable in those new clothes.  Yes - it’s a little bit strange - but then so am I!

OK - lets review some numbers and I will end this here thing:

241 days without soda/tea
0 days without any caffeine (had coffee this morning)
84 pounds lost since my heaviest weight (312)
74 pounds lost in the last 241 days
61 pounds lost since starting my heavy workout phase (200 days)
28 pounds until my ultimate goal and PSLs
My current weight is now 228 pounds

As of my shopping trip I am now wearing jeans that are 4 sizes smaller or 8 inches on the waist…and they are a wee bit loose too.

Today also marks Day 200 of using MyFitnessPal on a daily basis.  Hard to believe it has been 200 days - seems like yesterday!

Well - I will leave y’all with this:  (yes I said y’all)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts”
Winston Churchill

Peace and Love….Peace and Love,

LANDIS