Super Bowl Sunday 2011 was supposed to be another one of the great days in my life. Saturday night - I was pumped, I was having fun and I was having a few beers. It was a warm up for Sunday - and I couldn’t wait for the day to come. Well - Sunday came. As I laid there on the floor of a friends bathroom trying to figure out why I felt so sick and why even just laying there I was dizzy I thought:
“Something is wrong here”
Yes - something was wrong but I couldn’t figure it out. So I started recounting Saturday night - did I have too many? Did I mix liquor with beer? The answer was no. I maybe had 8 beers on a mostly empty stomach and fell asleep. (and for those that don’t know - 8 beers for me is usually not a big deal) So - why do I feel so bad? Come to think of it, this had been happening for a while I thought. The last few months even. (clearly it takes me some time to put the pieces together sometimes) Finally, I was able to get a shower and get moving (somewhat) through my day. Before I left I saw a scale and stepped on it - and to my shock and disgust it read - 312. By the time I left my friend’s house I had decided that this (and the past few months) was just a fluke and forget about it. I did what any hungover American male would do - went to McDonalds and got some food. Surely THAT will make me feel better. (though it never really does) I went on my way through the day, saw my niece and nephew and then to a Super Bowl Party where I was still feeling to sick to eat or drink anything. What was supposed to be a fun night of watching a big game with friends and beers didn’t happen. (I’m not going to go through the rest of the night but everybody knows my team lost)
I drove home that night in silence. The day that was supposed to be awesome wasn’t. I got home and decided to use my scale because clearly the one at the other house was wrong. (it HAD to be) Step on the old thing and boom - 305. See - I knew that old one was wrong but wait - what 305????!!!! (editors note - if you recall that old scale of mine was off by 7-8 pounds to really the first scale was right)
305 (really 312) pounds?!?! What?? How??
I stared at that number for a while. I looked at myself in the mirror. I took that real long look that I hadn’t taken in months. (mostly because I would run past any mirror I saw so as to not look at myself) Then I realized that I had been fooling myself for the past year - things had gotten that bad. The following words went circling through my brain:
Fat
Disgusting
Slob
Husky (really - that is the worst word - even the mere mention of that word gives me shivers)
Tubby
Ugly
Worthless
Obese (saw that on my doctor chart the last time I went - haven’t been back since)
Gross
I was depressed. My team had just lost the Super Bowl and it was obviously all my fault (just ask - I have proof) and the scale had just shown me to be over 300 pounds. I went to bed. I didn’t know what else to do.
I had the next 2 days off and sat in silence and alone. I had to do something about this but I didn’t know what or how I would do it. The only thing I could come up with was to cut down/out any alcohol intake. That and try to do better at what I ate.
That was my rock bottom moment - and it was my own personal hell.
I had to face the facts and face myself. Over the next few months those 2 things I changed helped me to lose 10 pounds - which was a good start.
That is the history of 2011 that brought me to day 0 in June. While Super Bowl Sunday was rock bottom, the next few months were only marginally better. I had no clue how to start on fixing my problems.
Why did I write all of this down? First I wanted to come clean with whoever decides to read this with just how bad my problem was. Until this point I have been using pounds lost but no real weights because quite frankly I was embarrassed. Second I hope that if someone who is reading this feels close to the same way I did on that terrible Sunday (minus the team losing stuff) to know that all hope is not lost. Even if you feel lost and without hope to fix the situation - you can and you will.
Ok - enough sappy crap.
Here are the numbers as of today:
152 days without soda/tea
136 days without any caffeine
63 pounds lost since my heaviest weight (312)
53 pounds lost in the last 152 days
40 pounds lost since starting heavy workout phase and calorie counting (109 days)
4 pounds until my next goal
49 pounds until my ultimate goal and PSLs
My current weight is now 249 pounds.
I have set a mini goal to be at 245 pounds by Thanksgiving. That will give me 10 pounds more to lose in 2011 so I can start 2012 matching my lightest ever adult weight. Its realistic and its going to happen.
Basically I’m completely out of clothes to wear. I kept a lot of clothes from my past sizes but now I’m smaller than them all. It sucks because now that I’m mid weight loss I don’t want to buy new clothes. So…that is my justification by the way for when you see me wearing the same thing over and over for the next little bit!
Will update again soon - more to come.
Richard Simmons…..OUT!
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